Basics
Not only are shaven faces (or trimmed facial hair) and soft, non-chapped and non-scaly lips preferable (you can take your toothbrush and lightly brush them to get rid of dead skin), but so is fresh breath. You'd think this one would go without saying, but trust me when I tell you that I've been slain by many a man's deadly dragon breath. This is especially important for your first few kisses because even if the two of you ate garlic over your dinner date, she doesn't want to experience it a second time through your mouth. Strategically place packs of gum in your pocket, in your car and in your bedroom. One more thing...please suck up any extra saliva before you move in. Wet, sloppy kisses can be gross and unsexy...
Be gentle as you move in for a kiss, allowing your lips, not your tongue or your teeth to lead. Kissing should not involve dangerous tooth encounters. Give her the sense that you're in the lead, that you're commanding the situation by pursuing her lips first, then back off just a bit. This will make her come toward you, both with her mouth and her body...this is where it starts to get fun. Now that you've established that she is responding to your moves, you can initiate some tongue play, but please do not shove your tongue forcefully into her mouth. Your mouth is bigger than hers and your tongue will already feel large in her mouth, so you're better off using only a portion of it. Move it around slowly (please don't rush) and back away from it to resume using your lips only every so often.
Touch
What do you do with your hands and your body? Even if your lips are the only thing that touch her, your body position and stance is important. I like tall men. This means that most of the guys I've kissed are somewhere between 7-11 inches taller than my 5 foot 6 frame. Take height into consideration when you're kissing a woman because chances are, you're taller than her and she's not going to be into it as much if she has to strain and crane her neck to give you a smooch. Place her on a stair or two above you. Lean down and in if you're standing. You'll know if you have it right by the amount of pressure she gives you back or if she's tense and struggling to sustain lip contact.
Safety in how you touch her is paramount - let your kiss be about the kiss. If you're using it as no more than the gateway into harder, more intense interaction, then she may back off and slow you down. This isn't to say that it couldn't move into something else more physical, but rushing the ever-important kiss is in poor form. This let's-get-to-the-point approach makes me wonder if you'd be a one-pump-chump in the bedroom. See? Women interpret a lot. I come from the "How you do anything is how you do everything" philosophy and forceful, rushed or sloppy first kisses reveal some key aspects of your nature.
We're really mimicking sex here and just like good lovemaking, it is a dance of forward and backward moves varying in length, rhythm and intensity. This demonstrates the traits of a skilled dancer, with the confidence and masculinity that will make her want to tango with you under the sheets soon enough.
Jessica Plancich is a Los Angeles based marriage family therapist, wellness practitioner and a writer, coach and co-owner of AverageGuy, Inc. For over 10 years, she's worked with individuals, families and couples to realize their fullest potential and bring it into their relationships. She offers both a clinical and female perspective on coaching men in their relational and personal journeys. Her professional, direct and yet candid approach offers solid insight and practical directives to motivate and inspire men to be exceptional. Visit http://www.averageguy.com/single to get a much more detailed explanation on this subject, including the importance of safety to women according to the programming of our Primitive Brains. Take the opportunity to educate yourself further, it's well worth the effort.
